Tigger Warning: Please be aware that there will be stories about and references to assault and violence against women.

What a heavy month March has been. We were all expecting the anniversary of COVID-19 to be hard, but what actually happened opened deeply embedded wounds. On March 3, Sarah Everard went missing while walking home from a friend’s house and nine days later her body was found and a police officer was arrested. The case is still ongoing, but the outcries from women around the world were rampant. Wounds were reopened and the fear that is usually held within was brought into the light. 

Every woman knows The Checklist when going out at night:

• Keys in pocket for an easy grab

• Flats in handbag if wearing heels

• No headphones or at least the music off when walking home so you can hear what’s happening around you

• Double back or call a friend if someone is following you

• Remember to text or call a loved one to let them know you’ve gotten home safe 

Give or take some of those items, The Checklist is so apart of our lives as women that it’s only when dreadful moments like these take place that we realise that enough is enough. This shouldn’t be normal! 

But amidst this pain and heartache came a different form of chatter. A couple days after Sarah went missing, Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, were interviewed by Oprah. Meghan grievingly and openly shared about her mental health struggles and the painful harassment she had experienced, and the response was unbelief, perpetuating the fear that all women are too familiar with - you won’t be believed. We only had one day after the interview, March 8th, which was International Women’s Day, where women were celebrated. On March 9th, Sarah’s body was found and women used their voices to raise awareness over the fear and statistically proven high rates of violence against women. Again, amidst this heartache and triggers for many women, the chatter that followed was, “Not all men”, inevitably excusing the outcry by saying, “I see your pain, but it wasn’t me.”

The truth is, we know it’s not all men. I am lucky to have incredible men in my life that fight for equality, stand up for the innocent, and speak out against misogyny. But I’m also not exempt from violence against me as a woman. 

In 2013, just as Spring had hit London, my friend Robin* and I chose to go for a walk in Piccadilly Circus after dinner, while our friends went to the casino. The area was buzzing with the post-work-drinks crowd and tourists were snapping photos left and right. I remember Robin and I were laughing at something when suddenly a man threw his body on me. Quickly, Robin grabbed me away from him and yelled for him to leave us alone. But he persisted, which led us to pick up speed and eventually run towards a club where some bouncers were standing outside. The man, thankfully, ran away after we reached the club. Scared and out of breath, we walked straight to the casino to find our friends. I remember what followed as clear as day - most shrugged it off, Barry* was outraged and vowed to never let us out of his sight, and Greg* asked that cliche question, “Well, what were you doing wandering around anyways?” I turned and looked Greg square in the eyes and said, “No! This wasn’t our fault.” 

These are the reactions I have become well acquainted with over the years - the shrug off, the anger, or the victim blaming. Outrage should be the common response, because violence against women shouldn’t be normal. But sadly, it is. The percentage of women experiencing violence and assault is staggeringly high. So much so that the UK government just announced that from Autumn 2021, the England and Wales police will record crimes motivated by misogyny as a hate crime. This came after a survey was conducted by the UN Women UK in which they found among women aged 18-24, 97% said they had been sexually harassed, while 71% of women of all ages said they had experienced sexual harassment in public spaces.

These statistics should be alarming. Women shouldn’t have to arm themselves before walking home at night. And, let’s be honest, it’s not just at night. It’s at any point during a 24-hour day. I was on my 8am morning commute when I was harassed by three men at an underground station still drunk from the night before. Though I was surrounded by people, no one did anything. Another time I was walking to the underground station at 2pm when a man catcalled me from his car (two other men were with him), got out, and started following me, asking for my number - not taking no for an answer. 

By shrugging these offences off, asking questions about what the victim did wrong to ask for it, and actively doing nothing when someone is obviously being harassed puts all the pressure on the victim, not the perpetrator. It forces the victim to be responsible for another person’s unjust actions. It’s up to the victim to fight back. It’s up to the victim to mind read how out-of-control men will act, and it’s up to the victim to get over the assault without any justice, because “that’s just life.” 

Every woman understands these actions, feelings, and fears. And the underlying cultural excuses of “boys will be boys” and “she was asking for it” and “masculinity is power over another” needs to be addressed. And that’s exactly what my good friend, Rowan, did in his response to Sarah Everard’s murder and the outcry from women.

In his blogpost, Rowan recognises the knee-jerk reaction to defend his own gender, but reflects on the long-term implications this has on our world and the importance of listening to what women have to say. He found, “this isn’t just about one murder (as horrific as it is) or just about murder at all… this is representative and triggering of all the hurt and pain caused by men in their own histories, the thousands of years of oppression and injustice perpetrated by men preceding our time and most importantly, the fear, pain and injustice that will be inflicted by men going forward.”

Rowan’s call-to-action is clear, “To any men out there I want to say let’s raise the bar. We can and must do better than this. As fathers, husbands, brothers, sons and friends we must take responsibility for our own actions and level of self-control and we must encourage a version of masculinity which celebrates respect for women and denounces anything less.”

The bottom line is, we know it’s not all men. But it’s enough men. It’s enough men that have created a culture of fear that has been taking place for decades upon decades. Sarah’s horrific story isn’t new (sadly). We aren’t suddenly outraged. But, we have had enough.

The outcry from women all over the world isn’t about hating men or blanketing a statement that all men are bad. This outcry is our Battle Cry! For accountability to be held. For a revamp of how masculinity is defined so that it “celebrates respect for women and denounces anything less.” This is our Battle Cry for a safer world for all people and hope for a day when women aren’t afraid to walk alone at night. This is a call for courage. Enough is enough. The time is now to step up!

*names have been changed
Written by: Kaila H. Johnson